Calling a Typewriter a Spade

My patience worn tissue-thin by customer questions such as "Where is the return button?" and "Where do I put the ink?", I once developed the reputation on eBay as the Basil Fawlty of typewriter salesmen. So I gave up selling them. Now I can sit back, relax and smile at some of the other typewriter item descriptions which appear on eBay (one which Richard Polt drew my attention to a few months ago ran to 2000-words! But it was hugely entertaining). I'd like here to share with you perhaps my all-time favourite description, one which appeared about five years ago now (so the statute of limitations should be well and truly up):

Classic Portable Type Writer
The original lap top, word processor, printer in one!

What can I tell you? It works like this, you press the buttons and the words appear on the paper. 
It couldn't be easier, not like the silly new fan-dangle gadget ones, no. This one doesn't even need power, and you know it will always print on the right side of the paper - unless you are an idiot. You can see it print as you type! Borders are easy to set -  just slide them in. Great for envelopes, cards, whatever, no more  printing in the wrong place. Use flash paper to impress. These things are great and no one can hack into them and steal your info. Safe as anything and a lot easier to use than the electronic ones, no cords! No mouse! And the font is always legible - like this. And you don't lose your document in a blackout, in fact you can keep typing!
It is a wonderful invention but there are only a few around so don't miss out.

The only optional accessory is a dictionary, but no one can spell anymore from what I see, so you can get by without that now.

Amaze the kids with this wonderful machine!

DISCLAIMER: I wish I could lay claim to having written this masterpiece, but I'm afraid none of it is my own work.

Any of you out there like to share a favourite eBay typewriter listing?