eBray

It's always painful enough having to part with typewriters, especially ones that are particularly cherished. But when needs must, the pain is all too quickly quadrupled by the necessity to subject oneself to the quirks and caprices of eBay typewriter buyers.
They are a breed apart, eBay typewriter buyers.
Is it just me, or do other Typospherians find themselves dealing with "typewriter enthusiasts" who expect to be able to buy pre-war, shiny black portables with chrome-rimmed keytops, in great working working order, fully serviced and with a new ribbon, for $25?
I am reluctant to use this blog to sell typewriters, although it has proved a fairly successful way of doing it. eBay remains, as a leading Typospherian pointed out on Facebook not long ago, probably the best marketplace for typewriters, both for buyers and sellers. eBay has certain advantages, of which the market range an item can reach is the most obvious. Its link with PayPal is another. Although it seems to me PayPal will usually come down on the side of the buyer in any dispute, it does offer much payment ease and some security, especially with international transactions. I still have my heart in my mouth whenever I post typewriters, internally or overseas. As Australia Post has finally come to appreciate its financial reliance on parcel post, things have improved, but only a little.
For a typewriter seller, undoubtedly the major disadvantage with eBay is having to deal with allegedly potential typewriter buyers who are simply rude or ignorant - or, in many cases, both.

I'M TOO CLEVER FOR MY SHIRT

As someone who has used eBay to (mostly) buy typewriters for at least 12 years now, and who has been involved in almost 2000 transactions in that time, I find the behaviour of some eBayers still beggars belief. Many people have become immune to it, I haven't.

When selling, I always initially list typewriters at what I believe they are worth, not a cent more, not a cent less. I also tell the truth about the typewriters I list. I have been known to drop prices, but only after a number of relistings. Naturally, I don't like having to do it. I don't want to sell my typewriters under their true value. But when I do list typewriters, I only do so because I must sell them.

Not long after I started listing some especially treasured typewriters, a month or so ago, I was reminded of what eBay buyers can be like.

Bryan Martin of the Inkling Bookstore in Biloxi, Mississippi, is obviously under the mistaken impression that he went to funny school.

After he had made some simply stupid offers on one item, sometimes at as little as a quarter of the listed price, I asked Mr Martin to cease and desist. He replied, "I didn’t know you had such delicate sensitivities.  Otherwise, I would’ve certainly offered less.  But your page said ‘Make an offer', it didn’t say 'Make an offer that doesn’t offend the seller'.

"I just thought that someone has to eat the cost of shipping, which is a whopping 125 dollars – might as well be you.

"So I thought, 'I would normally start the offer at about 400 dollars but since shipping is so much, I’m going to subtract shipping and see if he doesn’t want it enough to let it go for that price'.

"I thought I’d add a few more questions that were actually dumb.  They are as follows:

"Does it include a charger?

"Do you have the matching heels for it?

"Is it organic?

"Will it print in spanish too? [Bryan can't find the shift key on his keyboard.]"

Oh, Mr Martin, you are so hilarious! The customers in the Inkling Bookstore in Biloxi, Mississippi, must be just falling about on the floor with your wisecracks. By the way, your 10th birthday must be coming up pretty soon. One day you might actually start to grow up.

BACK DOOR BESSIE

I had another outstanding typewriter on eBay for auction last week. Days before the auction was due to end, and with one early bid at the starting price on it, I received an eBay-generated message from someone offering a figure well below the starting price "if the current bid falls through".

Now this worried me, deeply. Why on earth would this person assume an existing, legitimate bid would "fall through"? I had never seen such a suggestion before, in 12 years and almost 2000 transactions. I replied that the typewriter would not be sold at the lower price, regardless of what happened to the existing bid.

My worst fears were realised. This person then outbid the first bidder and won the item. There was no instant payment. I had a real, if unfounded, sense of having been "set up".The buyer then messaged me: "I didn't intend to offend you with my earlier offer. I simply noticed this is the only item you're selling [wrong], and in that situation sellers usually simply need money and fast. I have since discovered your blog, and am interested to know why you've decided to sell this particular piece?"

My worries were compounded. I had never heard of a seller asking a buyer why they are selling something. Or assuming "sellers usually simply need money and fast".

My response was to suggest that, once payment was received (and my fears were allayed) I would be happy to discuss the whys and wherefores of this sale.

The reply: "Why the hostility? I do find that very unprofessional ... " Me unprofessional? From someone who had tried the underhand tactic of an offer well below an existing bid? From someone making assumptions about selling, and asking questions about why the item was being sold?

Goodness! Where do these people come from?

THE OLD

'LIST SOMEONE ELSE'S TYPEWRITER'

TRICK

Jos Legrand has alerted typewriter collectors to a listing at 300 euros for a rare Emerson typewriter on Kalaydo in Germany, "an alarm to warn you against crooks", as Jos put it. He used the same word I have often used in such cases: fraud. "The offerer, Joasia Nowicka, from Warsaw in Poland, uses pictures that once were used by the Galerie Alte Technik."

Regular readers of this blog will know that this happens all too often on eBay, and eBay has seldom shown any inclination to act on it. A Cahill, an Optima P1 portable and a ABC-Messa-Lemair portable spring to mind. The last two may not be in the class of an Emerson or a Cahill, but this willingness by buyers to use images of machines they are not selling has been revealed far too frequently.

BAD eBAY

I know I'm not alone in wondering about eBay charges. I probably sold about five or six items last month, and was charged $99.99, after being told there were no listing fees. This is the second time in three months I have received an eBay invoice, the other being for about $66. Why are these invoices never itemised? On checking "My account", I cannot for the life of me find where these figures come from, what they are for. Can anyone help me fathom this out, please? Surely eBay can't be charging me as much as 10 per cent, or more, on the value of sales (including postage)? Or is it? And if it is, how does it justify such high charges?

GOOD eBAY